A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
