Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
