I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
