Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
