Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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