Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
