my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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