I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize