I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
