He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
