drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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