Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
