he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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