hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
