hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
