So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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