Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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