I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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