...so i touched it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
