imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
