I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
