Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
