Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
