You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
