He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
