Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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