The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
