I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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