I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
