my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i think im in europe. pls send help
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
