I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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