Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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