marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
