I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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