She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
