What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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