I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
