I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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