At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
