so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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