to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
