i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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