There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
