as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
