New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
