Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
