Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
