I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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