Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
