what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
