ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
