i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
