You really coming over, don't trick.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
