thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
