we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
