Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
