She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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