No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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