so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
