I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
