Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
