I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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