Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
