i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize