I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
