I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
