i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
