do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
