i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
