the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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